4. The St. Patrick’s Day Special
[One of our sessions was exactly on St. Patrick’s Day. So my players wondered if we could have a little fun and I obliged.]
"Here is Dargathum, the Capital of the Realm, we'll meet up with my commanding officer Sergeant (Unintelligible) at one of the houses on the outskirts. Look out for the house with the symbol of the SFEA," Lianthe says motioning to a patch on her arm, on which are depicted a black arrow and a black knife.
The players will be able to investigate several houses, until eventually Lianthe interferes.
Houses are almost all identical. Wooden structures, single room. A double bed, a pantry, a fireplace, two cupboards, a wardrobe. Wardrobes are empty. There are some vials, pots and pans in the cupboards. Fireplace has burnt out wooden logs.
Everything looks brittle. [I think I mentioned this specifically since our Barbarian really loved to smash things.]
The first house they visit has a letter left on the bed. It reads
"To dearest Clydemnestra, duty has called and now I leave for battle. They say that the citadel might fall, but do not fret; for the Alliance is doing its best to protect the realm from the Serpentine. I know you have heard terrible things about those who are captured by the Covenant. I know I have. That is why I will fight till my last breath to protect the realm from their filth. And that is why I had to leave tonite, without your noticing. In case the Citadel does fall, take Orestes and leave. Just go north my love. There are refugee camps there. I know it is terrible, the life of a refugee, but it is even more terrible the life of a slave. Loving, always. A."
Under the bed is a stash with 100 gold pieces.
Lianthe says, "I hope that A is faring better than his wife. Poor woman wasn't able to leave." She points out to bloodstains towards the exit. (A player with a high awareness may have noticed these already.) "And the child was probably taken. What is the Covenant doing with all those hostages?"
The second house is similar to the first one. However if you look closely you can see that there is a lever beneath the dining table. You can choose to pull it or leave it. You will pull it.
When you pull the lever a trapdoor opens up right beneath Footstool who was conveniently standing there. He falls down with a thud. You can ask him what he sees down stairs. He will respond that it is pretty dark but that it smells like beer.
[Footstool was the cleric and often the butt of many clever and not-so-clever jokes.]
When he acquires a light source, he sees that down stairs is actually a brewery. On the walls are drawn pictures of a.. star? wearing nothing but shorts with purple flower patterns. Shorts themselves are green.
The room has four sides. The way Footstool fell from the ceiling made it so that he was facing North. On the Northside is the brewery. On his left, which is westward is the ladder. Drawings of Patrick star is on the right which is eastward. The southern wall is empty. Yet.
Footstool also sees a ladder and can put it up if he so wishes. When the entire party is inside, including Lianthe and the other three elves, the trapdoor above is shut.
When they look back at the south wall, they see that it starts glowing in lights of three colours: orange, white, and green. The green light is stronger than the others, and it glows and glows and glows and out comes a little creature wearing a dapper green suit. And a green top hat. He has reddish hair and a mighty orange beard.
He scoffs at you. And then laughs at you. And then scoffs again. And then laughs a little more, stomping the ground with his little feet in green boots. And then scoffs. And then does a hand stand. And laughs at you while pointing at you. And then scoffs. And then does a double back flip in mid air. And scoffs at you.
I think he's done by now.
He now just stands there looking at the brewery. He looks as if he really wants to know what's going on inside that thing. He looks thirsty? He scoffs again. He is thirsty! But he refuses to talk. Perhaps it is because you guys don't smell like beer, coz he does. He nods. But wait did he just respond to me? How is that even possible? I am not real. Wait... Oh.
For a second, the trap door above is opened and a majestic and awesome figure to behold falls gracefully down into the cellar brewery. He's wearing a shining bright armor made of Crimson steel, possibly forged by Gods themselves. Beneath his armor he's wearing a cloak woven of spidersilk, dyed black with the soot and ashes of Mount Varkoth, the Foreboding. He wears a mask forged of Dark Iron of the Dwarves beneath the Khagdar Mountains, it is painted black and red and there is a slit where his eyes are supposed to be, behind the mask nothing can be seen. He wears gauntlets of crimson steel, and he holds a sword forged by the Evil Genius Blacksmith Melkhar the Tainted. The blade of it is jet black and glows with an eerie orange light. The hilt is adorned with two big rubies and a sapphire.
He's truly a majestic figure. [A self-insert DM-Player character. I wanted to join in on the fun!]
"Dammit I wasn't supposed to be here! Oh well, I am Dunn Geon, Master of Fort Thwall. And I know exactly what's happening here. I know everything. I see the world as it is, and it is terrifying. YOU ARE ALL BEING CONTROLLED! NOTHING IS REAL! But I can't make you see the truth. For you guys would be mad."
He says staring into the eyes of every single one in the room.
"Let's all sit down," he says, "even though we are all seated as we speak. Anyway, this creature with the orange beard we see could see me from behind the walls of Fort Thwall. He broke the walls, so I had to come here and intervene. We can't leave until he lets us."
What does he want?
"Well he wants us to drink, and celebrate in his name. Mainly because he can. And mainly because he is a saintly guy. Oh and do protect your potatoes, and DO NOT MAKE ANY MONTY PYTHON REFERENCES."
"We all take a sip." [The sips are taken in real life. From this point on, this session of D&D is a drinking game.]
Just as we take the sip two creatures enter through the eastern and western walls. The green suited creature turns back to the southern wall, runs up to it, does a back flip, falls back down does a somersault, and lands with his legs 180-degrees open.
The creatures entering through the wall are boring old Shadowkin. However they are wearing a certain plant of four leaves on their ears. Apparently Shadowkin have ears. They look at you and touch their plants, and are immediately transformed into littler Shadowkin. They look like the green/orange creature. They are now jumping up and down and then suddenly they jump at which ever player the DM chooses.
The shadowkin are hugging the players’ heads. It is annoying but that's what they do.
If you punch a Shadowkin it will fall down. Punching requires a roll, everyone can roll, especially the persons whose heads are being hugged. Roll 1d20. If the roll is 1, 3, 4, 5, 9, or 15, then the punch is successful, and the Shadowkin falls to the ground. Otherwise, the player takes a sip. If the same player rolls and fails again, they take two sips. Three fails, three sips. If the player rolls again for a fourth time, but succeeed, then everyone else takes three sips as the player does a victory dancee after having punched the Shadowkin leprechaun.
After the joker Leprechauns are eliminated (one punch takes them out), four real Shadowkin Soldiers enter. This is a real D&D fight.
And now it is time to battle Greenpants.
He has 50 health. During your turn, instead of attacking him, you can have a toast in his honour. A sip [again, a real-life sip] will reduce his health by 5, because he will also drink. (Basically, if you drink instead of fighting, you drink.) If he hits you, you drink. He hits for 3.(Every time) But his rolls have +5. He has an AC of 15. He attacks you by kicking you in the shin. If you die, you take 5 sips. If the entire party is downed (highly unlikely) everyone takes 10 sips.
Oh by the way, your weapons have transformed into bushels of corn. Except for Footstool, who seems to be holding a bucket of potatoes. I believe those are ranged weapons. The sorcerer and the wizard are also holding bushels of corn, but when they try to cast spells they spawn potatoes.
Potatoes and Bushels of Corn hit Greenpants for 3.
Dunn Geon can choose to randomly yell out DRINKS! If he does that, everyone drinks. The characters are appalled as to why this weird, but majestic person is yelling out drinks. It is because they can't see you guys. [The DM can make everyone drink if they so choose.]
Eventually when Greenpants is killed, the trapdoor magically opens up again, and Dunn Geon, the Master of Fort Thwall starts fading away to nothingness. KEEP YOUR BUSHELS! He yells. And he also screams, “All of you gain 400 experience points! Oh also, you will find a chest behind the brewery.”
Inside the chest: are artifacts!!!! [These were named/crafted specifically for my players.
1) Maul of the Vandal
2) Bow of the Cobbler
3) Epee of the Round
4) Mace of the Orc
5) Staff of Jion
6) Wand of the Morally Well-Developed
Eventually you reach the Headquarters wherein awaits Sergeant (Unintelligible).
He might be happy to see Lianthe. He might not be. You can't tell by the face, because his face is entirely blurred out. But you can make certain distinctions about him. For instance he has jet black hair, probably long. What you CAN make out however is the giant sword that he carries on his back. It seems familiar.
